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There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me -- I always feel that they have not said enough. |
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Sunday, January 4, 1998
On Friday, I got a message from my brother suggesting we should get together sometime for lunch. He didn't leave a way to contact him. My sister M--- and I are in agreement: we will meet with him together, along with a calm, strong, male presence (a social worker she knows). We'll set boundaries and expectations at that time.
K---- (my brother) has some good qualities. He is intelligent. He has a good sense of humor. He has done a fair amount of reading. But he started smoking pot and screwing around when he was in junior high school. He has his GED, but didn't go forward into college. His bad junior high and high school experiences mean that he is really lacking in fundamental academic skills, and when he has started remedial classes at various times over the years, he hasn't had the patience to follow through and get the grounding he needs.
He has worked, but at marginal jobs. He worked at a pool maintenance company (off and on) for a long time. He worked at a company driving a sweeping machine that cleans parking lots. His most recent work in Virginia (that I know of) was at an auto upholstery company.
I think his bad temper has given him trouble at various employers over the years. It's his temper that makes me want to stay away from him now. When I talked about him in August, I omitted the details of what he put me through before I first moved out here to Seattle with my parents, since my main focus in that entry was on them. He says now that he was not on drugs at that time, but whatever substances he was using, his behaviour was out of control! My mother and father had already flown west, and I was helping with packing up our lifelong home. (My memories of this next part are a bit fuzzy on the details; I think I've repressed them!) I had a lock on my bedroom door with a bolt, because I had cash tips from my restaurant job in my room. I got home late one night (one of my last few) from my job, and sure enough, he had used a crowbar to pry open the door and get the money. I was on the phone to my sister and brother-in-law on the west coast, and he came into the room. He started yelling at me, (denying that he took the money?) and pulled the phone cord from the wall. He shoved me, also. I left the house immediately, and drove to a convenience store meaning to call the police. At the store, the police happened to drive up before I made the call, and I flagged them down. There was a report on the police radio about me, because my brother-in-law had called the Arlington police from Seattle when the phone call was cut off. So I rode back with the police car to our house, but my brother was already gone.
I didn't want to stay there that night, so I went to a nearby hotel. I think I paid for my room with cash, part quarters, from my restaurant job. I think I got a cousin to go with me to the house the next day, to get things I needed. My brother-in-law (former military man) from Delaware was around during the last parts of packing up the house. K--- behaves much better when there is a male figure around. He knows that he can't get away with the bad behavior that was his usual pattern.
I think he cleaned up his act after there was no support system enabling him, no parents paying for things or cooking for him. I haven't seen him since he was out here for my mom's death.
So we'll see what happens now. But I'm really not looking forward to running into him around town.
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On a lighter note, we played (as a Cacophony event) Broadway Bingo Saturday afternoon. This is a game I made up that is a variation on Highway Bingo which is a variation of regular bingo. In regular bingo, in case you don't know, you mark off squares on your game card when a certain number-letter combination is called out. In highway bingo (played in the back seat of a car) you mark off squares when you see a certain color or model of car or truck, or a certain sign or building. In Broadway Bingo, played while watching the pedestrian traffic on the Seattle street named Broadway, you mark off squares when you see people meeting certain descriptions. Some will be easy to find, some more difficult. If you get five in a row, you shout out "BINGO!" and get a prize.
We had a good turnout, even if Christina and Tobin both managed to schedule haircut appointments during the game time. I guess they felt, "hey, here we are on Broadway...our tonsorial professional is also on Broadway...Why not go and be coiffed?". But they did have time to participate in a few rounds. We started off in the Gravity Bar, where I continued my streak of good ordering karma at Cacophony events by ordering the garlic parmesan toast (very good thick-sliced whole-wheat bread, with garlic butter and melted parmesan cheese) and "sun juice" (orange?, mango, banana, and ginger). Yum!
From there we went across the street to Dilletante Chocolates. The food is good, but the service was a bit confused. But it did have the requisite windows on the street, so we pointed at people and categorized them. We finally counted a not-very-old woman in a fake-fur leopard print jacket as a "little old lady in a fur coat" which was really stretching it. One man caught us pointing at him, and pointed right back and laughed!
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Saturday evening was Vanguard, back at the old stand of Jane, Luke and Vonda's house. We had dueling digital cameras, since Victor Gonzalez brought his, too! Story: once my sister was at a gathering with a camera, and saw a child there also with a camera. She suggested to the child that they should photograph each other at the same time. My film festival buddy A--- said, "What a Rowland thing to do!" And I guess it must be, but doesn't it seem like a natural thing to do to you? If he sends me a pointer to the picture he took of me, I'll link it in.
I want to write a page all about Vanguard, so I can just link to it! That's why I had my new camera there. People were pretty good about not minding when I took their picture. It does pretty well without the flash, too, which helps. So as soon as I get the last few names filled in for some of the images, I'll write a report (maybe on my tripod site? I have an acount there with nothing in it.) explaining all about Vanguard and why I love it.
This was the Vanguard where we were to make nametags. It's easy to come to Vanguard and talk to people for years and not know their names. So I brought along some rubber stamp stuff. I had envisioned people making permanent tags that they could use from month to month, pinning them to a board as they left each time. My sister's church did this, and I think it's a good idea! But that wasn't in the cards. Oh, well, I saved mine, and I'll wear it next month! So you can see Jon Singer and I wearing our nametags here.
Odd Vanguard happening: I was amused at how I bristled when a certain man was complimenting me on wearing makeup. I normally don't wear it from day to day, but I'm not against it. (Dialog here may be somewhat paraphrased.) He said to me, "Anita, you look so great with makeup!" I don't have a problem accepting compliments, so I said thanks. He said again, "No, really, you look great with makeup! You should wear it more often!" I said something about how the brown crushed velvet dress seemed to demand it, and the moment passed. But I was really rather irked at him; the strong emphasis and the way he said it really implied that usually he isn't so impressed with how I look. My mental comments were along the lines of "I didn't put it on for you, so calm down!" but I didn't say that. Would I have felt the same if someone else had said something similar? I think it was the way he said it, as if he'd been mentally hoping I would, some day, meet his expectations. Guys, take note, if a woman has a little something different about her appearance, you could say "You look great tonight!" or "I like that dress!" but don't go so far as to imply that a person's normal way of doing things isn't good enough.
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Sunday was a quiet day, mostly struggling with Frontier 5. I did get some help from the Frontier-Newbies mailing list, which was nice.
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