Mourning

Sunday, March 8, 1998

Going to Vanguard last night was certainly the right decision for me, despite the problems I've been having.

I usually don't send out notify email about this journal, but I did send mail to a few local friends and a few net friends. Jane and Luke responded to say that they wouldn't be at Vanguard (Jane has a bad cold) but would I like to stop by and talk with them? I took them up on this offer, and stopped at their place after going to the Safeway near their house for provisions. We had an hourlong talk about all the stuff I've been going through. It was great to get their sympathy and hear their wisdom.

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Vanguard was at Frank and Molly's house. The last time we were there was October 1997. I did remember to bring the print copies of Anita's BOD that were requested by Michael Hoffman, but I left them in the car by mistake. He walked with me to get them, telling me about his new assignment at MS along the way. Appropriately for his interest in help systems and online information design, he'll be doing QA for the HTMLhelp team at MS.

Andy Hooper, late of Apparatchik and now editing The Jezail (which needs to get on the web!), asked me if I had turned in a ballot for the FAAn awards. I admitted I hadn't, since I've had a few things on my mind lately. He told me some votes had been cast for me! (but in what category, I don't know.) He also asked me if I'd read his review of my stuff in the latest Jezail. I hadn't, since I am extremely dilatory about getting things out of my mailbox, so he handed me a copy directly.

I was rated number four, ranked after Candi Strecker's Sidney Suppey's Quarterly & Confused Pet Monthly, Paul Williams' Crawdaddy!, and Christina Lake's Never Quite Arriving. Wow! This is extremely gratifying for my first effort.

Here is what he said:

Anita has been one of the prime instigators of the Seattle Cacophony Society's hijinks over the past few years, and since May of 1977 [sic, s/b 1997], she's been publishing her thoughts in an on-line journal, from which the text of this fanzine is drawn. She's a clever writer, capable of holding my interest no matter what she chooses to cover. The entries in this first collection deal with popular culture, personal and familial background, fannish and meta-fannish doings, and the latest local fannish craze, swing dancing. I enjoyed just about every word of this collection, including the wide variety of aphorisms (read "coherent linos") accompanying each piece. And in case you like this sort of thing, she includes the addresses of 15 other web journals worth checking out. When the producers of electronic fanac are willing to reach out to people who aren't on line in such a pleasing and entertaining manner, I can think of no obstacle to their ultimately winning their share of FAAn and Nova awards. As far as I'm concerned, this is just the sort of project that used to excite us about the internet in the first place.

Wow again! To those not in fandom, it's hard for me to convey the prestige of such a positive review from Andy. All but two of the print copies were picked up. I am planning on doing a reprinting, to send via snail mail to a borrowed mailing list. I originally had the idea of creating this zine, because I wanted to go to Corflu (a fanzine fan convention) in England (happening next week). This idea went by the wayside when the apartment next to mine went up for sale, because I thought the money would be better spent on that (no, I haven't bought it yet). But next year! I don't know where the next Corflu will be, but I want to go.

It was fun seeing all the Vanguard folk. Lesley Reece told me she is about to put up a web journal! (Picture of Lesley on my Vanguard site) I met a fan, Paul, who has been gafiated for years, but met up with Jon Singer at work at Microsoft and got sucked back in. Molly was playing Brazilian popular songs on the piano in the dining room, softly in the background. I reminded Tom Lawrence about the Cacophony event the next morning (this morning), and circled the location of said event on the map for Michael Hoffman.

I did talk about Jason breaking up with me to some extent, especially with Kate and Glenn. I think Glenn talked with him the most at the February Vanguard. (Weird to look back one month! I was so happy that night.) I did mention to everyone I discussed it with, that if Jason did decide to join in the Seattle fannish scene, that I wanted him to be treated well.

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This morning I went to the third edition of a Cacophony event, this time called "Hotcakes at the Wall of Death". We've also done this event on the steepest street in Seattle, and at the top of a tower in Volunteer Park. This event consists of pancakes and other breakfast-type items, cooked and served in a strange location.

The "Wall of Death" is an outdoor art installation underneath the University Bridge. The name derives from the name of a carnival act that consisted of motorcycles speeding around the inside of a cylinder, going so fast that they ride horizontally on the vertical wall. It was a beautifully sunny, but brisk and breezy morning. My nephew J--- was with me; he likes to go to Cacophony events when he can. The streets around this location make it one that is easy to drive by, but hard to get to. Something strange in the topology make all the roads lead away; none go towards that exact spot. But I ended up parking in the same place I parked the other week when I was at Wizards.

We had a good turnout, with Jayson, Nick, XE, Yasha, Caroline, Carl, Tom Lawrence, David Volk, Jon Newman, Michael Hoffman, and my nephew and me, plus a few new faces. We were our usual disorganized selves, with special trips needing to be made for another skillet, more pancake batter, and more gas for the stove. But we had a fun brunch in a strange space, so I call that a successful event! The fresh pineapple and dried fruit (berries 'n' cherries) that were my contribution were popular. (This is always a neurotic concern of mine at a potluck: what if no one eats what I brought?)

The images with me in them were taken by my nephew J---. Good job! When we left the breakfast, I was vacilating about going to a craft store to get some things for decorating my RC art car. My nephew wants to help me with this, which will be fun. But I really was feeling rather fragile! I had told J---, in simple terms, about why I was feeling sad, so he'd know what was going on if he saw me getting teary. (I warned my sister about this later, in case he should ask her about it.) But we did go to the store after all, and got several packs of randomly colored ribbons. I think these might go well hanging as streamers from the back of the car.

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This evening I went to a meeting for Clarion West, a workshop for aspiring science fiction and fantasy writers. I'm now maintaining their website. I was astounded that one of the administrators didn't know the URL! The meeting was at their tiny office, which is in the same building where I was dancing on Friday night, just a few blocks from my place. I don't know if I'd have gone to the meeting if it had been farther away.

Various people gave status reports about their areas, and plans for the workshop this summer were discussed. Then we got into the nitty-gritty: who should be asked to be instructors in 1999? It was fascinating to see the inner workings of Clarion West.

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I really appreciate all the kind email I've been getting. It does help! It came to me yesterday as I was reading mail from the burningman list: I'm also mourning all the things I imagined that Jason and I might do together. Burningman, Orycon, Potlatch next year. What a fool to not see the wonderfulness of me!

Crying is really so bad for my contacts. My poor eyelids!

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