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SaltTo act the part of a true friend requires more conscientious feeling than to fill with credit and complacency any other station or capacity in social life. |
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Thursday, April 9, 1998
I've been listening today to a CD from that fine Welsh bass-baritone Bryn Terfel. "The Vagabond" is a collection of songs with English texts from Robert Louis Stevenson, John Masefield, and A. E. Houseman. My favorite songs from the CD, though, the ones I repeat over and over, are a set composed by Gerald Finzi, an English composer from the first half of this century, to texts by Shakespeare. The group title is Let Us Garlands Bring. The sad songs in the group are almost too powerful for me, and I'll confess to skipping the first of the set, "come away, come away, death," sometimes, rather than be reduced to tears. But the happy ones are charming! I love the way "Trip no farther, pretty sweeting" chimes with the walking tempo of the setting.
I think I need a special little icon, like Scott uses for biking content or canadian content, for music commentary and what I've been listening to. I haven't written a lot in this area, and not even at music school did I do music criticism or essays. It isn't enough just to name the CD, I want to say what the music means to me, what it makes me feel or think. So this is another area of writing that I'm just getting started in.
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Burr told me yesterday that I often come across (in this journal) as being very concerned about what people think of me. I don't know if I entirely agree with this, but I do ask for reader feedback fairly often, because I like the connections and interactions that come with online journaling.
Am I concerned about what people think of me in real life? It depends on the context. I was concerned that my dance teacher approve (or go along with) my wish to move up into the next class. I'm not concerned that people think I'm a bitch if I ask them to not play pingpong outside my doorless office. I'm not bothered if people think I'm odd or strange; I've experienced that most of my life because the things I'm interested in aren't the same as those that the general populace really digs. I would be bothered if someone thinks I've been rude or unkind. That kind of "good behavior" is an important value for me. Speaking of which....
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My former boyfriend Jason wrote me late last night. We've been in contact through email over the past month, about one letter a week. He was hurt and mad about some teasing comments I had made to him about something that I didn't realize was a sore subject for him: his breaking up with me! The perils of communicating only in writing!
So I wrote him this morning, apologizing. He's been having some tough times in other areas of his life, and took what I meant as light joking as stabbing at him, then pouring salt in the wounds. Since that's how it seemed to him, it didn't seem helpful to me to do a point-by-point rebuttal. I asked forgiveness for anything hurtful I've said.
We talked on the phone for the first time since he broke up with me, this afternoon. Kind of a physical shock to hear his voice! That's why I want to actually see him, to desensitize myself. The upshot of it all is that we are probably going to Norwescon, a regional science fiction convention, on Saturday. Not as a date, though!
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This evening a group of folks from my lindy class went to the deli down the street for a snack between our class time and the time the dance started. This was really fun! The deli has very good ice cream.
Dan, who is a fireman (I thought it was just a nickname at first, Fireman Dan), went around the table and quizzed everyone on their occupations. I was surprised that the other Dan, Dan Ross, is a civil engineer! One woman is a makeup artist at Nordstrom's, another has a business travelling to cons selling trims and fabrics for costuming.
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