Caregiving

Friday, August 21, 1998

My friend Luke's aunt is very ill, so his spouse Jane Hawkins is spending a lot of time at her place. Luke is over there as well, but he's very allergic to cats and his aunt has a kitty that means a lot to her, so he has to limit his exposure. I was primary caregiver for my parents for a year and a half, right up to their deaths, so when I wrote to offer help, Jane said that talking about that might be most helpful for her right now. We chatted on the phone today, and I tried to recall all of the stuff we had to deal with. One of the difficult things about helping someone who is dying is that the situation is always changing! You get things taken care of one way, then that solution doesn't work any more and you need to sort it out again. We talked about various practicalities, and I urged Jane to take care of herself as well. Talking about it did bring that time with my folks back quite strongly!

I know now what my first chunk of work for our allied team will be. I need to sort out samples that are coming from several areas of the company, make sure they make sense with the messages we want to present, and regularize the process of getting them to the web and SDK. This fits well with the kind of job I'm good at!

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My buddy Earl (check his specialty book sales) and I had discussed meeting for dinner before Friday night practice, but tonight he was able to get going in time to join me at the Subway sandwich shop, across the street from the dance studio. It's better not to try and dance all night on an empty stomach! We talked about dance, and his work and mine.

It was very warm and humid in the studio. I was pleased with the lesson, because I could do the steps! It was a simple combination; the most unusual items were a basic going into a stomach catch (like a rubber band, but one-handed), and a few hip moves with the follow standing behind the lead (hmmm. not a good description!). I danced with a few beginners; one man saw me helping a guy with his charleston, and asked me to lindy with him after he had only had three lessons. I'd have to say that though he has some pieces of the lindy, he doesn't yet have quite enough to dance successfully.

I took the bus to the Century Ballroom. On the bill tonight: "Four Divas, Four DJs, Four Hours!" I wasn't so thrilled with the latin dj (nothing wrong with what she played, but that's not my music yet) but Hallie and Hep Jen were fine and Leslie$ was her usual self. The crowd wasn't huge, but I got my share of dances, plus a great dance with Jen!

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Lizzie has stopped her journal. At first she took it all down as well, but she relented to the extent that it still exists as an archive. This is sad for us as her readers! Bluejack explains it eloquently.

"I have this friend who lives down in Sacramento ....The thing is, she doesn't know who I am."

This was one of my reasons for starting my own journal. Now at least the journalers (and other online folks) I communicate with have the opportunity to get to know me a bit, if they wish.

"It is also tempting to try to transform the one way communication into a dialog."

Of course, I just give people the option. I can't make them read, and not all of the journalers that I read read me. (Inadvertant word repeat for the benefit of Andrew "coredumps" Denyes.)

It seems like Lizzie has had some problems dealing with reader feedback before. She wrote very candidly about areas that were raw, even white-hot for her, and then got very angry when folks would write and comment on what she wrote or on her life! I hope if she comes back she will be able to structure her subject areas in a way that will make a future journal good for us and for her.

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