Thanksgiving Hell-Ride

A lady of what is commonly called an uncertain temper -- a phrase which being interpreted signifies a temper tolerably certain to make everybody more or less uncomfortable.
-- Charles Dickens

Thursday, November 25, 1999
One year ago: Thanksgiving Eve
Two years ago: Irresistible Force

Last year I was also on a Thanksgiving journey, a much more pleasant one than today's! At first, this morning, I thought we might not be going at all.

Jack had emailed me, after I posted last night's entry, to let me know that his daughter A---- was once again AWOL. He'd allowed her to go "to the bus stop" to supposedly say goodnight to a friend, and she hadn't returned until after midnight, several hours later. So I got up this morning not knowing if we'd be leaving for Klickitat or not, but went ahead and got packed and ready as if we were going. Jack got a later start than he'd planned (up late, sleepless with tension and worry even after his daughter returned home) but gave me a call around mid-morning. He was on his way, with A---, and they were near Everett, less than an hour's drive from my place.

We picked up H----, Jack's younger daughter, without incident. A---- had been whining and begging to be left at her mom's house, but this wasn't going to happen. It was Jack's year to have his daughters for Thanksgiving, which supercedes the normal rotation of weekend visitation.

Traffic was very bad (Jack had thought that Thanksgiving day itself would be better for driving than Wednesday night, but I don't know if that was true) so we took side roads south from Olympia. A---- began making an issue of whether she'd be allowed to drive at her grandparents place. She and Jack escalated the fight. She started to bellyache generally. I (very foolishly) turned around and asked what her specific issue was, right there, right now. I wanted to know if there was anything that would get her on another train of thought and quiet her down. She said (with some justification) "This is between my father and me" but I didn't hear the part where she called me a bitch (I found out about that later), so I was startled and frightened when Jack pulled the van over to the side of the road, skidding and putting one wheel in the ditch in the process.

Jack got the van under control and backed us out of the ditch, then got out and was coming around to the passenger side. He was taking out his belt! A---- didn't wait, but leapt from the van and ran right across the road, followed by Jack. She fell into the ditch on that side and soaked herself. A few cars stopped to see what was going on. Jack took a few breaths and came back to the van, as A----- took off down the road, in the rain.

We took a few breaths, then drove to the corner where there was a gas station. Jack used his cell phone to call the police. This is required when A----- runs off, because she has been deemed a "youth at risk." As we recovered our composure, Jack said that we'd probably have to turn around and abort the trip.

As we waited, A---- came back down the road and got her back pack and jacket from the car, then walked off again. (Discipline, in the form of a spanking, is allowed, but restraining her in the van isn't, I think.) A sheriff pulled up and talked to Jack, then to a witness that had pulled over. A---- returned again, and talked to the sheriff. (I don't think she helped her case; the sheriff didn't seem too happy with her when she got out of the patrol car. "Look at me when I'm talking to you. At least try to show some respect," he said.) Of course, there wasn't much that the sheriff could do, which he knew and Jack knew when he made the call, but all these incidents need to be documented.

A---- got back in the van and we drove off. When we got to the highway and drove north, she seemed totally surprised and baffled. She started crying and wailing, although she'd seemed to have no desire to visit her grandparents before. She blamed all her out-of-control behavior on others. Jack put her on the phone to her mother, but she didn't get the desired invitation to spend the weekend with her. (Jack wouldn't have agreed to this, I think.) Her wailing and sobbing was really sad -- she gets hysterical and doesn't understand that her actions have consequences.

H---- was sad that she wouldn't get to see her grandparents. I was disappointed, too, and Jack still wanted to make the trip. He pulled off to the side of the interstate (I don't know when I've spent so much time on various roadsides!) and turned around to talk to A----, who was still crying. ("Life hates me, everyone hates me, now grandma and grandpa will hate me.") I could tell from what he was saying, though it wasn't explicit, that he'd feel better about changing his mind if A---- apologized to me (because it was her treatment of me that was totally unacceptable to him). He was asking her, "Can you think of anything you could do or say to change this situation?" meaning the aborted trip. So I turned around and said, "I'm sorry I interfered in the discussion between you and your father. A-----, I apologize to you." Too bad she couldn't pick up the cue! She never did specificly apologize, but eventually she said something that served the purpose (though not addressed to me.)

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We turned around again (the whole incident had taken two hours!) and drove south. Jack called his parents to let them know we'd be late, so they shouldn't hold dinner. The traffic was still putting his nerves all on end, starting and stopping with no visible cause.

Finally we reached the restaurant that Jack had in mind, the Rib-Eye, north of Vancouver. They were having a big holiday buffet. We had a twenty-minute wait in the lobby full of family groups and old folks, then a pretty good meal. A----- filled her plate with pastry, then immediately said she was full. Disturbing!

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The drive from Portland up the Columbia Gorge was one of the most nerve-wracking parts of the trip, for me. By this time it was dark, very windy, and raining hard. The highway is poorly constructed, and water doesn't drain from it, so the van was hydroplaning -- scary for me! But Jack kept control of the vehicle, and told me to watch for snow mixed with the rain. The Gorge is noted for cold gusts of wind which can cover the road with ice, unexpectedly.

We were all exhausted when we got got to Jack's parents place. One of his sisters had already left, but his sister K---- was still there, with her two children. A----- wanted her cousin (also an A---- name, confusingly) to spend the night. (K---- doesn't live that far away.) Jack said she needed to ask her grandmother about it -- it's her house! But instead of doing that (we were all sitting together in the family room) she started crying and tantruming again, so her cousin didn't spend the night. A----- can do a great job on cutting off her nose to spite her face!

Jack and I didn't have to sleep in the truck camper like last year. In fact, we couldn't, because his father was going to be leaving in the morning on a hunting trip and would be needing it. We bedded down in the guest room, Jack trying out one of those knee pillows. I'd bought this for him at "As Seen on TV," last Sunday.

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Jack said to me, the first day he ever emailed me, "When I get angry it is a brief storm (loud, but short)." This is true! But he and his daughter manage to get on each other's nerves and bring out each other's worst qualities all too often. I'm really not in favor of corporal punishment for a fifteen-year-old (or for any child, probably). It just doesn't seem to be effective! But neither is anything else. I don't know how this situation can continue.